Shoe Shopping With Scully
by Dangly Chicken Inc
Summary: Scully and Mulder go shoe/clothes shopping. It’s more complicated than Mulder ever imagined. Will he buy anything? Or will something terribly drastic happen before he has a chance? Read the story for more!


Title: Shoe Shopping With Scully: A Tale Of High Heels  
By: Skulz  
Rating: PG  
Genre: Humor  
Summary: Scully and Mulder go shoe/clothes shopping. It's more complicated than Mulder ever imagined. Will he buy anything? Or will something terribly drastic happen before he has a chance? Read the story for more!  
POV: Mulder  
Disclaimer: Scully and Mulder are Ten-Thirteen Productions, FOX, and Chris Carter's. The song 'Joy to the World' and Wal-Mart also do not belong to me.  
Spoilers: I don't thing anyone's done this yet.  
Author's note: It's a dumb idea I had while shoe shopping with my mom.  
Dedication: for my mother, "Monica"  
  
Shoe Shopping With Scully  
(A Tale Of High Heels)  
  
I was sitting on Scully's chesterfield when it happened. I looked at her shoes, and noticed that she was wearing a ratty old pair of heels. I felt obliged to pipe up, "What's the deal with the shoes?"  
  
"What d'you mean?" she asked.  
  
"They're, well, they're old!" I told her.  
  
"Mulder, I've been wearing these same heels for the past three years. You haven't looked at them once since today. Why do you suddenly care now?"  
  
I was stumped. Scully was right. My mouth hung open, trying to think of a good reason.  
  
"Exactly. Now don't diss the shoes, unless you'd rather make your own lunch."  
  
"Uh huh," I replied, still watching the shoes. I know I could've easily just turned on the TV and watch the baseball game, but somehow her shoes transfixed me. Scully shoes I thought, ratty old Scully shoes  
  
Pretty soon, our lunch was ready and we sat at the table, slurping down Scully's homemade chicken noodle (but I knew it was really Campbell's). "So," I muttered, while shoveling in a spoonful of noodles, "what do ya wanna do today?"  
  
"I don't know, what do you wanna do?" Scully asked, and spilled some of the broth down the front of her white blouse, "Shit."  
  
"Maybe we could get you a new blouse," I mumbled. I saw that there were a lot of stains on that one. I could see old bloodstains that had gone orange, little spots of grease, and a few other stains that I was sure were from other times she had spilled soup on herself.  
  
"Now you're dissing my shirt?" she pressed.  
  
"Well. Yeah," I murmured.  
  
"Jesus, Mulder. When was the last time you went shopping?"  
  
"Uh."  
  
"Exactly!" Scully looked at my clothes that, as a matter of fact, were quite ratty looking themselves. I looked at my feet, and realized that I would probably need some new Doc Martins as well.  
  
"You know what, Scully? We should go shopping."  
  
She stared at me, cock-eyed for a moment. "You want to go shopping?"  
  
I gulped, "uh huh."  
  
"Okay then." Scully replied, and continued to sloppily eat the soup. Somehow I couldn't wait to get to the mall.  
  
--  
  
Scully and I sat in my little silver Mazda, listening to the radio. Suddenly, on came the song I had been addicted to lately, Joy To The World. I cranked up the volume on my little car stereo. Scully covered her ears, and I began to sing along, "Jeremiah was a bullfrog! Was a good friend of mine! Never understood a single word he said but I helped him drink his wine! ...He would always have some mighty fine wine! Singin' Joy to the world! All the boys and girls! Joy to the fishes in the deep blue..." Scully suddenly turned down the volume.  
  
"Mulder!" she cried.  
  
"What? Can't we have a little music?"  
  
"Na uh." Scully shook her head. I frowned, and took control of the volume again, cranking it up just as the voice boomed, 'Make sweet love to you!' I watched my partner blush. I had a feeling that she was afraid of sexual intercourse. I laughed.  
  
Soon we approached the mall, quickly hopping out of my Mazda and making our way towards Wal-Mart. Scully and I held hands as we walked into the fluorescent-lit store. "Wow," I said, "I haven't been here for almost a year."  
  
"Me, too," Scully mumbled, staring up at the lights. We walked over to the section that sells suits. I smiled as I laid eyes on a white suit. Who the hell would wear that? I thought.  
  
Then I saw the perfect one: it was black and the jacket had inside pockets. I smiled as I made my way towards it. Then, feeling the amazingly soft fabric, I noticed the price: $109.99. There was no way in hell I could afford a suit like that, so I stuck with the original crappy gray one for $35.99.  
  
Scully was over in the women's section, so I went over there to get her. She had three or four outfits in her arms, and still looking through the racks. "C'mon! Let's try the clothes on and get out of here!" I persuaded.  
  
"Mulder! Have you ever even gone shopping before?" Scully asked me.  
  
"Well..." I couldn't say that I had. Usually my mother had bought me clothes for a birthday or holiday. Scully was right.  
  
"Exactly!" she chimed, sifting through the petite section. I seriously wondered if she bought Capri pants so she wouldn't have to take up the hems. Scully was so short that it almost made me feel uncomfortable sometimes.  
  
I looked at all the outfits she had in her arms. They were pretty nice, I mean they were better than what she was wearing, but they didn't look amazingly stylish. It took her about twenty more minutes to finish her collection of clothing that she would now bring down to what shoppers call 'fitting rooms'. Let me just say that I found this act quite retarded at the time. Isn't it obvious if something will fit or not just by holding it up over your clothes? Scully didn't agree.  
  
I waited and waited outside the 'fitting rooms', hoping that she wouldn't be much longer. I was missing the baseball game, and I still needed to buy some shoes. Somehow I was sure baseball wouldn't be part of my schedule today.  
  
Soon enough, Scully came out of the room, looking disappointed and angry. "What's wrong?" I inquired.  
  
"Only two of them fit!" she grumbled.  
  
"Only two!" I cried. Scully picked out two of the suits and gave them to me. She took the other six and gave them to the woman that was running the 'fitting rooms'. "What the hell were you thinking, Scully?"  
  
"I wanted to be sure," she grumbled under her breath. I could tell I was pissing her off, so I headed towards the shoe section, hoping it would cheer her up. Women like shoes, right?  
  
I stared in awe at the shoe section. There were (surprisingly) a lot of heels. No Doc Martins in sight, though. Maybe I could just get a pair of runners? I watched as Scully sauntered over to a whole section filled with navy blue heels. I must admit, it made me laugh seeing her eyes light up like that over some stupid shoes. I stared in awe at her little ritual of taking off her shoes and trying on a new pair. That was how I realized the true midget she was. I knew Scully was short, but she was downright miniature when she stood without the aid of her classical blue heels. I laughed at my poor midget partner as she tried to walk in the unworn shoes. I smirked and smiled, until finally, Scully yelled, "Shut up, Mulder!" She fell down several times before finally putting them back on the rack, and getting a new pair. I guessed I should be looking for shoes as well.  
  
I walked over to the next shoe isle, hoping to God they'd have my kind of shoes. I looked up and down the isle, kind of pacing, but I didn't feel nervous or angry. I only saw one thing that pleased me throughout that whole isle: a pair of running shoes. They were white Nikes with red stripes on either side. I knew the bureau would look down upon my shoe choice, but nevertheless, I brought them over to Scully's isle and tried them on. They were a nice fit, maybe a little too nice, if you know what I mean? "Hey, Scully! Check out the shoes!" I shouted.  
  
"I'm right here, you idiot, no need to yell!" Scully exclaimed. She stared at my shoes for a moment and laughed. "Your crazy, Mulder. There's no way in hell you're going to wear those to work."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Cause they look like little kid shoes, and if you were ever to wear them out, people would point and laugh!"  
  
"They already point and laugh at me when I walk down the street!" Scully smiled at my bad joke, and I took the shoes off. My partner had discouraged my shoe buying experience.  
  
"So, Mulder, what do you think of these?" Scully asked, holding up a pair of dark purple heels.  
  
I nodded in response, and watched her try them on. They looked pretty. "I love them. I wish I could wear those," I said, jokingly.  
  
Scully smiled again, happily. "I'm sure you will, Mulder, I'm sure you will." I laughed.  
  
--  
  
Several days later, I had bought some new Doc Martins (I had gone alone to Wal-Mart, and successfully found them). That day, as I went out of my little apartment on my way to work, I saw a package beside my door. I picked it up and brought it inside, placing it carefully on the coffee table. I sat on the couch and cut it open with my pocketknife. Inside, there was a pair of purple heels...  
  
End 


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